Ever find that people treat you in accordance to your position? If you are a therapist people want free advice even at social gatherings? An executive, people put you on a pedastill and are wanting leads? One leader was quoted as saying "I have had more people lie to me since I was promoted to this position."
The key is how do you want to be treated? There is a great phrase that says, "it is your job to teach others how to treat you?" If your experience is that people are talking more to your position or status than you as a person, than it's time to "show them the way."
In some parts of Europe asking what a person does for a living is an insult.
The more you can be the change you want to see in the world the better.
Keep your authentic friends close, to remind you that you are very much a part of the human race.
In my upcoming book, The TRUTH behind the Suit: Discover the Man inside with the female version to follow, the dynamic male leaders I interviewed shared creative ways to tackle this issue.
One shared "keeping it real" was important for him. The more he was authentic about how he felt the more people kept him on the same level. Another said that his focus is more on making good decisions each day versus getting caught up on how others saw him. Another shared that his support system and family was where he stayed grounded. One leader declined the expensive lunches and dinners to avoid "being bought" for future favors. He kept his eye on the ball versus on winning votes.
The key is to invest in the man or woman inside your position. The dividends will clearly pay off!
Monday, November 5, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Make the Decision already
Ever get tired of the ping pong match in your head that can go on for hours, days or even months about making a decision? Indecision causes you to be stuck, frustrated, unsure of yourself and will zap your energy. Let's go one step deeper; what is behind the indecision. For most, it is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of making the wrong decision. Fear of making the right decision. Fear of what others will think of you. Fear of conflict that may arise from your decision. Someone said that Resentment is about not getting what you wanted yesterday, Anger is about not getting what you want today and Fear is about worrying about not getting what you want in the future. The Truth will set you free. It may not be popular however if it is your truth you owe it to yourself to claim it.
Here are 10 powerful tips to guide you through the battlefield in your head:
1. Stop
2. Take a deep Breath
3. What are you pretending Not to know?
4. If low risk=high risk; who is being most affected by your indecisiveness?
5. "What are you most afraid of when you make this decision?"
6. What is the root distorted belief? e.g. "I am not good enough. I am not worthy."
7. Is this B.S. (belief system) working for you?
8. Rate yourself on the willingness to change scale from 1-10; 10 being high(ready
to do whatever it takes because you refuse to be paralyzed anymore)
9. What number do you want to be to make that decision?
10.Do it! Create an action plan(include a support person,(coach),focus on your next
right steps to achieve your ultimate decision, and a mind set of staying open,
regular pep talks with yourself to move through the uncomfortable feelings and
the constant reminder that you are so worth it. Because you are.
Here are 10 powerful tips to guide you through the battlefield in your head:
1. Stop
2. Take a deep Breath
3. What are you pretending Not to know?
4. If low risk=high risk; who is being most affected by your indecisiveness?
5. "What are you most afraid of when you make this decision?"
6. What is the root distorted belief? e.g. "I am not good enough. I am not worthy."
7. Is this B.S. (belief system) working for you?
8. Rate yourself on the willingness to change scale from 1-10; 10 being high(ready
to do whatever it takes because you refuse to be paralyzed anymore)
9. What number do you want to be to make that decision?
10.Do it! Create an action plan(include a support person,(coach),focus on your next
right steps to achieve your ultimate decision, and a mind set of staying open,
regular pep talks with yourself to move through the uncomfortable feelings and
the constant reminder that you are so worth it. Because you are.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
New Year, New Beginnings
I find this time of year exciting! I thoroughly enjoy reflecting on my past year as well as creating my goals for the next year. Before you start your "new beginnings" perhaps consider doing this exercise first.
1. Make a list of all the goals you did achieve last year;include wins big and small.
2. Where did you build character due to relationship challenges?
3. Where did you try something new or stretch yourself?
4. What ways did you do self care? e.g. day off, special treatments, meditation, etc.
As you fill your heart with gratitude you will be reminded of the brave, powerful and loving human being that you are. When your heart is right,your world is right. This confidence will be a great spring board to creating your goals for 2012.
There are numerous systems to create your goals:
i) Vision/Dream Board- series of pictures, words, phrases(brain sees pictures first)
ii) Write goals in 7 environment areas: Health, Wealth, Personal, Relationships,
Recreation/Leisure Time, Community, Career
Add a line "Scorecard: your key 3 Action steps to achieve that main goal"
iii)Begin affirmation goals with I am celebrating(feeling)........
iv) Use a white board
v) Record your goals so you can constantly hear them on your MP3, CD, etc.
Regardless of which method you choose "just do it" as Nike says. Remember when you write it down you increase your chances of attracting that goal by 70%. External reminders keep us on track to achieiving the success you deserve.
Cheers to a successful 2012!
Cate
1. Make a list of all the goals you did achieve last year;include wins big and small.
2. Where did you build character due to relationship challenges?
3. Where did you try something new or stretch yourself?
4. What ways did you do self care? e.g. day off, special treatments, meditation, etc.
As you fill your heart with gratitude you will be reminded of the brave, powerful and loving human being that you are. When your heart is right,your world is right. This confidence will be a great spring board to creating your goals for 2012.
There are numerous systems to create your goals:
i) Vision/Dream Board- series of pictures, words, phrases(brain sees pictures first)
ii) Write goals in 7 environment areas: Health, Wealth, Personal, Relationships,
Recreation/Leisure Time, Community, Career
Add a line "Scorecard: your key 3 Action steps to achieve that main goal"
iii)Begin affirmation goals with I am celebrating(feeling)........
iv) Use a white board
v) Record your goals so you can constantly hear them on your MP3, CD, etc.
Regardless of which method you choose "just do it" as Nike says. Remember when you write it down you increase your chances of attracting that goal by 70%. External reminders keep us on track to achieiving the success you deserve.
Cheers to a successful 2012!
Cate
Friday, March 25, 2011
When it's time to let go
It was March break last week and I was pumped and so was my 16 year old son. I had always taken time off to spend quality time with my son and our family. So as I picked him up from his visit with his dad. I said why don't we go to a funky coffee house to have hot chocolate or something to kick start his holiday! He didn't miss a beat when he said, "Mom I am not one of your 30 year old friends. I want to be with my friends over March break not my mother." Actually, he had me at 30 year old friends considering I am in my 40's.
Where in your life has a comment or decision you made so obvious to everyone else that you just need to get with the times and let go of the old way of doing things? e.g. at work when you used to do things a certain way, with the your old spending habits that don't fit the economy today, your relationships that keep changing even when we don't notice?
For me the signs that you need to let go are when you are experiencing resistance in a relationship where one person is showing you with their behavior that they aren't on the same page as you. Sometimes people will avoid us, withdraw, become argumentative, forget to show up and you can add your own. The key is where in your life do you need to let go? Do you need to stop working so many hours at work because this is the third cold you have had in 2 months? Your kid is giving you the cold shoulder because you just don't get them? Where you keep expecting that friend to do the same things as last year when they clearly don't want to?
The key to letting go is to simply start by acknowledging that you may need to let go. Then you need to learn how to be willing to try to let go. Sometimes you might need to fake it until you make it. Remember you need not personalize these normal stages of change in any relationship. Then think about what might other people do to let go and be willing to try something different. Acknowledge to yourself and the other person the need for change. Accept that it will feel foreign for awhile. Be sure to talk with other people that have gone through similar changes and finally create an action plan on how you will let go. e.g. I will set a weekly behavior goal that demonstrates I am changing e.g. focus through the present lens in the area that needs changing; work, relationships, etc.
Most importantly, have fun because change and letting go is good for all of us. It can only enhance our relationships at work and home to being better.
Where in your life has a comment or decision you made so obvious to everyone else that you just need to get with the times and let go of the old way of doing things? e.g. at work when you used to do things a certain way, with the your old spending habits that don't fit the economy today, your relationships that keep changing even when we don't notice?
For me the signs that you need to let go are when you are experiencing resistance in a relationship where one person is showing you with their behavior that they aren't on the same page as you. Sometimes people will avoid us, withdraw, become argumentative, forget to show up and you can add your own. The key is where in your life do you need to let go? Do you need to stop working so many hours at work because this is the third cold you have had in 2 months? Your kid is giving you the cold shoulder because you just don't get them? Where you keep expecting that friend to do the same things as last year when they clearly don't want to?
The key to letting go is to simply start by acknowledging that you may need to let go. Then you need to learn how to be willing to try to let go. Sometimes you might need to fake it until you make it. Remember you need not personalize these normal stages of change in any relationship. Then think about what might other people do to let go and be willing to try something different. Acknowledge to yourself and the other person the need for change. Accept that it will feel foreign for awhile. Be sure to talk with other people that have gone through similar changes and finally create an action plan on how you will let go. e.g. I will set a weekly behavior goal that demonstrates I am changing e.g. focus through the present lens in the area that needs changing; work, relationships, etc.
Most importantly, have fun because change and letting go is good for all of us. It can only enhance our relationships at work and home to being better.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Are you being Mind Full?
As I return from a weekend silent retreat I am feeling very full, peaceful and especially mindful. My goal is to remain present in each moment. I am amazed to see how very easy it is to be mindful. By simply "being" with your breathe you are able to connect with your higher self easily. By the second day of this three day retreat I was aware of just how wound up I can be, moving from one thing to another until finally I just let go. Where are you holding on tight in your life? e.g. your son/daughter is not applying themselves the way you want, your partner is not doing things the way you like, etc. I came to a very simple conclusion this past weekend;I AM NOT GOD"!For some it may be Spirit/Creator, etc. So this means I don't know best. Perhaps your son/daughter is doing the very best that they can, your partner has a heavy heart and is disconnected from themselves right now. Everyone has a story, everyone is going through something that we may never know. Behavior has a purpose and they really aren't out to get you.
So if you chose to be mind full what does that really mean? Here is my take.
Simply put. Being mindful simply means emptying the mind as you are being present doing whatever you are doing. Where ever you are be there! e.g. you are driving enjoy your hands on the steering wheel and soak up all the colorful leaves along your drive or washing the dishes then be there fully and enjoy the water and soap on your hands. So many of us are unconscious in all that we do. While driving you are thinking about what you have to do when you arrive home or while listening to your partner your mind is elsewhere on something you forgot to do. This constant disconnection from our source and from others leaves us unsettled inside. Some refer to it as a void others a static feeling. The end result is the same however unrest.
So ask yourself even while reading this blog is your mind solely on reading or are you thinking or doing something else? Again, wherever you are be there!
The benefits include feeling more calm, peaceful, connected, relaxed and in tune with yourself and others. Remember being in a state of busyness is a chose and you may want to ask yourself "would I rather have calm or chaos"? You choose.
Cheering for your powerful journey,
Cate
So if you chose to be mind full what does that really mean? Here is my take.
Simply put. Being mindful simply means emptying the mind as you are being present doing whatever you are doing. Where ever you are be there! e.g. you are driving enjoy your hands on the steering wheel and soak up all the colorful leaves along your drive or washing the dishes then be there fully and enjoy the water and soap on your hands. So many of us are unconscious in all that we do. While driving you are thinking about what you have to do when you arrive home or while listening to your partner your mind is elsewhere on something you forgot to do. This constant disconnection from our source and from others leaves us unsettled inside. Some refer to it as a void others a static feeling. The end result is the same however unrest.
So ask yourself even while reading this blog is your mind solely on reading or are you thinking or doing something else? Again, wherever you are be there!
The benefits include feeling more calm, peaceful, connected, relaxed and in tune with yourself and others. Remember being in a state of busyness is a chose and you may want to ask yourself "would I rather have calm or chaos"? You choose.
Cheering for your powerful journey,
Cate
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thanks Giving!
Time for gobble gobble once again. For my American friends I realize yours is yet to come. I want to extend a heartfelt thank you for all of you who have supported me by either attending my presentations, reading my blog/newsletter, being a coaching client and especially for your willingness to change your life. You continue to be such an inspiration to me. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of your powerful journey.
I know for some people, this may be the first Thanksgiving without a loved one or that you may be in the midst of turmoil, however, I invite you to reflect on the miracles in your life and the amazing people who care for you and you them. Of course life isn't perfect nor should it be. Celebrate what is and fully let go of what you wish could be.
If your heart is heavy due to a death, perhaps set a place setting at your Thanksgiving table this year and everyone take turns sharing how this wonderful person means to you. We are not meant to be alone in our pain nor our celebration.
If your kids aren't calling or coming around the way you want there is still gratitude in knowing you were able to have kids where other couples are struggling to conceive and would love to have your problem.
As you prepare for your family dinner in whatever way that may be remember a quote from William Shakespeare, "Expectations are what give us heartaches."
BE with your family and friends without expectations. BE with others without retelling your story over and over again about how they did you wrong or how they didn't get it right. When we let go of "what aught have been", we are freed up to fully embrace what is. The people in our lives are really doing the best they can with what they have. For me, part of being truly thank full is to also be willing to forgive. Forgive others. Forgive myself.
Gratitude really is an action word so I plan to be sure to tythe 10% of my week's pay to support another family that could use a help up.
My intention for this Thanksgiving weekend is to be truly present with my Self, my family and friends by sharing and celebrating who I am and therefore celebrating who they are! What will your intention be this Thanksgiving weekend?
Happy Thanksgiving!
With much gratitude,
Cate
I know for some people, this may be the first Thanksgiving without a loved one or that you may be in the midst of turmoil, however, I invite you to reflect on the miracles in your life and the amazing people who care for you and you them. Of course life isn't perfect nor should it be. Celebrate what is and fully let go of what you wish could be.
If your heart is heavy due to a death, perhaps set a place setting at your Thanksgiving table this year and everyone take turns sharing how this wonderful person means to you. We are not meant to be alone in our pain nor our celebration.
If your kids aren't calling or coming around the way you want there is still gratitude in knowing you were able to have kids where other couples are struggling to conceive and would love to have your problem.
As you prepare for your family dinner in whatever way that may be remember a quote from William Shakespeare, "Expectations are what give us heartaches."
BE with your family and friends without expectations. BE with others without retelling your story over and over again about how they did you wrong or how they didn't get it right. When we let go of "what aught have been", we are freed up to fully embrace what is. The people in our lives are really doing the best they can with what they have. For me, part of being truly thank full is to also be willing to forgive. Forgive others. Forgive myself.
Gratitude really is an action word so I plan to be sure to tythe 10% of my week's pay to support another family that could use a help up.
My intention for this Thanksgiving weekend is to be truly present with my Self, my family and friends by sharing and celebrating who I am and therefore celebrating who they are! What will your intention be this Thanksgiving weekend?
Happy Thanksgiving!
With much gratitude,
Cate
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